whatever and ever amen

Wrath

2012-02-16T16:23:00.003-06:00

Interestingly enough, the early writers on the seven deadly sins regarded wrath or anger as one of the worst sins.

But, Professor Cunningham, the bible makes mention of divine wrath, so why is god allowed to be angry, but we're not?

Well, the early writers on the subject they made a big distinction between indignation and wrath and they argued that it's perfectly appropriate to express indignation in the face of social injustice and that's a healthy thing. The preachers call that "righteous anger" whereas wrath eats at a person individually and poisons his or her relationships with every other person. Its synonyms would be something like resentment, a kind of smoldering constant bitterness.

So the sin of wrath is less about yelling and raging and more about internal anger?

Yeah. The distinction you'd wanna make is the distinction between the person who may erupt in anger without thinking about it too much and the person who is an angry person. I think that's the critical distinction. For example, just five days ago, I was turning into my driveway and some guy tried to pass me on the left and dinged the back of my car and then promptly zipped away before I could get his license plate number. I want to tell you that I was not a model of forgiveness at that moment. I was mad as hell. I'm still mad; I've still gotta work on it... But I don't think of myself as someone who constantly is in a state of rage and resentment because... resentment, if you hold it in, the tendency is that it feeds on itself so that a person who is deeply resentful, or a person who is deeply bitter, finds it increasingly impossible to forgive... much less to love.

Management

2012-01-18T18:58:00.002-06:00

"And if you're anything like me, when you hear the phrase "management systems", part of your brain begins to shut. down. and another part of your brain prepares itself for hearing a lot of either complete nonsense or common sense tarted up with unnecessary jargon."

What I would like to tell my management preceptor(s).

I Hate Missouri

2012-01-11T21:31:00.003-06:00

I need to relocate to a place with a) no snow, b) requisite walking, and c) expansive parks.

>:(

2011-05-02T15:27:00.002-05:00

I was both annoyed and frustrated that our ability to understand the topics presented in this course relied directly upon our ability to understand topics that were supposed to be covered in Advanced Nutrition. I think Santa should focus on communication, so he knows what is being covered in that class and what is not. Furthermore, Advanced Nutrition is not even a prerequisite for this class, and, as such, several students have yet to enroll in the course, and cannot be expected to have that knowledge.

PowerPoint presentations were frequently not updated when posted to Blackboard and were often inaccessible before the beginning of that day's class. How can we be expected to take notes and follow the lecture when slides are out of order, missing, or not even available for download?! Even when we did manage to keep up with the lecture, we always left class with the feeling that we had not learned enough. Santa has great difficulty communicating his understanding of the material with his students in such a way that they fully comprehend the topic at hand. He does not even allow for questions during the class.

Santa was not accessible outside of class. He is only on campus three days a week (at best) and he is only here for 5 hours at that. And much of that time, he was tied up in meetings. When combined with students' busy schedules, it was nearly impossible for students to ask questions and receive any sort of thorough explanation. If students are expected to remain on campus from 8 AM to 5 PM, then it is only fair to expect a professor to do the same. He even tried to cut down classes from 2x/wk to 1x/wk in an effort to cut his commutes and his time spent on campus. (Too many presents to deliver.) Santa never responded to emails in a timely manner, and when he did, his tone was often curt.

Quizzes and tests reflected the material a little too well; that is, questions were always pulled verbatim from the book. In fact, some questions were pulled verbatim from textbooks that no student had access to, thus making it impossible to achieve a decent score. It would be more beneficial to students if quizzes, essays, tests, and papers were concept-driven rather than book-driven. Whether or not we can recall what was written in the third footnote on page 952 of a textbook will not be helpful to us in the future.

Santa did not seem to care about students’ learning. He sped through lectures without taking the time to check for comprehension. He was openly frustrated that we “hadn’t learned this in advanced” and that we didn’t remember anything from medical 1. This should be a clue to him that his teaching style is ineffective. He did not return assignments quickly, and when they were returned, they contained little to no feedback. It was obvious that he tended to pick and choose aspects of the assignment to grade. For example, if he assigned a 20 question case study, he would only grade 5 questions. We frequently spent hours answering all 20 questions to the best of our ability because it is important to us to learn the correct answers. If he can’t grade all 20 questions adequately and thoroughly, he should not assign 20 questions. As a result of this practice, he tends to report artificially inflated grades. Distributing various shades of A and B among the 30 students in the class only serves to encourage students who should be failing and to cheapen the work of students who should be excelling.

Certain individuals in our class should not have passed the prerequisite courses. If one’s syllabus states that each unexcused absence will result in a grade lowered by one letter, one should follow through on that threat.

Weight Loss

2011-03-03T22:21:00.002-06:00

I recently bought a scale. Not only can it tell me how much gravity pulls on me, but it can also tell me how much water and fat I am made of. Today, I didn't feel like knowing my adiposity. Before the gym, I weighed 148.6 lbs. After the gym, I weighed 150 lbs. Then I peed, and I weighed 147.8 lbs. Now I know that urine weighs almost 3 lbs. OKAYYYYYYYYYYY.

Kid Logic

2011-02-21T23:20:00.001-06:00

Q - What do you think the tooth fairy does with all those teeth?
A - Builds houses out of them
Q - Why wouldn't she build houses out of brick, like normal people?
A - ... People don't have brick teeth!

:)

Snow!!

2011-02-06T22:19:00.004-06:00

It has recently occurred to me that I am not, in fact, rehabilitated. Rather, I have been able to channel compulsive behaviors from things that are less "Are you sure the door is locked?" into things that are more "I have to read ALL of these chapters!" Thanks, Snow, for allowing me to realize this.

I need something to compulsively do. Maybe ballet. Or coloring my walls black with a Sharpie.

Facebook Stati

2011-01-27T08:20:00.003-06:00

Nick Nichols: Happy birthday Mozart! You should have wrote some trumpet solos.
Richard Neckermann likes this.

No. Mozart should not have WRITTEN any trumpet solos. The world is better off with fewer opportunities for brass players to be loud and spit on the floor.

All I Have To Say

2011-01-17T00:35:00.002-06:00

is.

RAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHIHATEYOU!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! >:O

SAD

2010-10-04T21:14:00.001-05:00

SADDEST DAY. OF MY LIFE. :'(

Vampires.

2010-10-01T14:17:00.002-05:00

Today, I shadowed a clinical dietitian. She told me about how, when you have uncontrolled diabetes, the excessive amounts of glucose in your blood effectively make your blood maple syrup. Which makes sense, when you think about it. Because apparently, sugar molecules actually bind to the RBCs and make the viscosity of blood thicker. Anyway. So what almost came out of my mouth, and I kid you not, was this: So... do you think their blood would taste better?

AM I A VAMPIRE>!?!

In which I discuss events upcoming.

2010-09-24T23:19:00.002-05:00

OH MY HOLY GOD. At this point, I would requisition Fave to drop a number of expletives in such an order as only he can provide. He is a master, let us not forget. I have a headache. I hate dust mites. And other allergens. Need to turn that gene off. My head would feel less smashed.

I'm supposed to do a great many things in T-3 months. One of them being get up at 8am to be in a walk. Like that's gonna happen.

2010-07-28T00:57:00.001-05:00

i carry your heart with me(i carry it in
my heart)i am never without it(anywhere
i go you go, my dear;and whatever is done
by only me is your doing,my darling)
i fear
no fate(for you are my fate,my sweet)i want
no world(for beautiful you are my world,my true)
and it's you are whatever a moon has always meant
and whatever a sun will always sing is you

here is the deepest secret nobody knows
(here is the root of the root and the bud of the bud
and the sky of the sky of a tree called life;which grows
higher than soul can hope or mind can hide)
and this is the wonder that's keeping the stars apartv
i carry your heart with me(i carry it in my heart)

Tender

2010-07-27T23:31:00.001-05:00

Why am I doing this? Am I doing this? Am I doing this? I just want to go back to the start. Why is this happening?

Um... For Serious?

2010-04-26T23:50:00.002-05:00

http://thepioneerwoman.com/cooking/2008/04/dump-cake-a-potluckers-paradise/

Pioneer Woman? Really? Cuz I'm almost positive that in 1848, REAL pioneer women did not have cherries in a can nor cake mix in a box. I kinda wanna barf all over that chemical and corn syrup laden crap concoction you baked up there in your ca. 2005 oven.

Seriously. I bet this lady is just like Oprah. Inasmuch as there are hundreds of housewives who think this lady is a genius.

I mean. Really. Pioneer woman cooks cake mix in a box?

There are giggly girls somewhere close to me. I need them to stop that. Their happiness might invade my dark, crumply soul. God forbid!!

We Used To Shine

2010-03-12T01:39:00.002-06:00

Imprinted on every surface, skeletons on velvet.
They steal sleep.
They steal peace.
They whisper.
You don't know what's wrong.
You don't know what love is.
You don't know. Do you.
Slow.
Steady.
Subtle.
Drip. By drip. Drip. Drip. Dripdripdrip.
Where'd I go?
Lost. Not empty.
Yet...
Just lost. Scrambled.

You're my best friend. My compass.
I'm scared.

Slippery Slope

2010-03-05T18:22:00.002-06:00

In the past 1.5 hours, I have slipped into some semblance of a depression. I don't want to get up. I don't want to do anything except find a time machine and zip myself back into the past when I was less focused on the past. I want to do something unfortunately self-destructive and I find myself wondering what happened to 2am drunken dance parties.

#58

2010-02-22T23:53:00.002-06:00

I am feeling ambivalent and conflicted. These, perhaps, are synonyms. I have strained and, finally, inevitably, exhausted my passionate hatred for the two things which I hate most: winter and microbiology. The ultimate tragedy of this predicament is that I used to love the former and there was some serious potential for the latter. But. I'm too tired to care.

In other news, I have 21 episodes of TAL to listen to. This means I've listened to over 300. I love podcasts. They fill my brain with things. Rattly things.

I am going to attempt to grow things, and I am overly excited about this.

And. There was one more thing, but I forgot it.

Delta

2010-02-16T22:36:00.001-06:00

Sometimes, you just gotta accept that things change. And that's not always a terrible no-good thing. I am a train.

Cold Kills

2010-02-15T23:15:00.000-06:00

Cold kills iPods. True. It was working all fine and then *pfthb* NOTHING. Fine, iPod. I treat you well, I give you new music to play, I download podcasts onto you weekly, and I charge you frequently. But if you want to let me down when I need you most - when I need to clean up my disgusting kitchen and fold up all my dried laundery - then fine. FINE. Enjoy this passive/aggressive note I'm writing to you that you can't read! Or maybe I'll download it onto you. How will you like that? Just fine.

So I'll eat my cereal and pretend that I'm not sleepy. It'll work for like an hour.

Archaeology

2010-02-11T23:45:00.002-06:00

I forgot how that felt... I'm not sure I miss it, but I think that I do. Where has that gone, and that which I have traded it for... was it worth it?

I feel like the cabinet of a pack-rat. Compartmentalization only works for so long, I guess.

ouch.

2010-01-06T13:17:00.001-06:00

I want to rip my nails out of their fingers. I also want this internet to work. And I want it to stop snowing.

Real life is blasting me in the face today.

Something With An M

2009-10-06T17:10:00.002-05:00

So. Every day, I get these emails from the ADA. Each one has about 20 nutrition-related news links on it. And after viewing approximately four months of these emails, I have to come to the following conclusion. If we, as a people, cannot or do not want to change our eating slash purchasing habits regarding "food", then I feel that we must accept the consequences (i.e. cancer and/or heart disease (can you have both?)), and die horrible, painful deaths.

Seriously. I'm not sure why there needs to be registered dietitians at all. What kind of people need other people to tell them how and what to eat? Stupid ones, I guess. Oh well. I suppose I'll enjoy profiting off of their stupidity? It's not even ignorance. We ALL KNOW what we're supposed to eat. We just don't do it, I guess. Because. We're stupid. And deserve to die.

If I see one more freaking news article with a title like "HEY IF YOU EXERCISE YOU CAN BE HEALTHY" or "HEY IF YOU DON'T EAT SUGARY, SALTY, FATTY FOOD THEN YOU'LL BE HEALTHY TO!O!" proclaimed proudly at the top of my screen as if it's the greatest revelation ever to be had, I will totally flip out!!!
!!!
!!!!!
!
The end.

Writing Rule #1

2009-09-08T09:28:00.001-05:00

If a writer has to explain his/her word play, then he/she should assume it's a terrible joke and proceed to press the backspace button a requisite number of times so the affront disappears. Quickly.

I Need...

2009-07-23T11:12:00.002-05:00

a friend who knows how to garden. I want to grow things! Which is why I want my own SPACE. ARRR. This is because I am a cheap bastard. Lazy, and cheap. :)

Fun Facts

2009-07-14T09:31:00.002-05:00

Here's a fun fact: The Milk People are lying to you. And by "lying", I, of course, mean "selling." And I am not posting this fun fact just because I don't like milk. I am posting this fun fact because my parents think they are better than me, and this makes me an emo fifteen year old whiny pants mcgee. But enough about me. More about fun fact.

"Broccoli, Brussels sprouts, collards, kale, mustard greens, turnip greens, and others are loaded with highly absorbable calcium and a host of other important nutrients. While these foods have a smaller amount of calcium per serving compared to dairy products, they have more calcium per calorie, and the calcium they contain is absorbed nearly twice as well as the calcium in cow's milk. One cup of cooked kale, for example, has the same amount of absorbable calcium (100 milligrams) as one cup of cow's milk with less than half the calories."

This is according to the American Journal of Clinical Nutrition. I didn't just make this up.

Another fun fact is that eating animal protein enhances bone loss. True! I didn't just make this up either. This is also from the American Journal of Clinical Nutrition.

With these two fun facts combined, I am wondering why milk, of all things, is supposed to promote healthy bone structures. Oh, milk lobbyists!

I'm Bulimic.

2009-07-07T22:52:00.002-05:00

I look just awful! they say. Bulimic even! Did you know that when you exclude the major American food groups (i.e. animals, corn, partially hydrogenated oils) from your diet, you turn bulimic? Apparently that's true. It couldn't be that I'm stressed out from having to stay with YOU all summer, no, that's certainly not the case. It couldn't be that I hate living in three places, or that I especially hate driving between these three places, or that I am more than shaky about the future, or that I've inexplicably developed allergies to the outside, could it? Certainly not. Welp. Better get ... some ... treatment??

I think I want some ice cream.

Trial Run

2009-06-10T14:17:00.000-05:00

When most people think about sugar, they think of the kind you use to bake cookies or put in coffee, or maybe even the powdered kind you put on doughnuts. When you can see the sugar on your food, or when you measure it out and put it in there yourself, the majority of people can recognize that these foods should be limited and enjoyed in moderation. It may or may not be surprising that the average American’s sugar intake is on the rise, but it is surprising that this increase is not necessarily from excessive cake consumption, but from slowly increasing the amounts of added hidden sugars in many foods.
The average American, over the course of a day, ingests 31 teaspoons of added sugar every day. The USDA defines “added sugar” as “sugars and syrups that are added to foods or beverages during processing or preparation [but] this does not include naturally occurring sugars such as those that occur in milk and fruits.” That is to say, the majority of those 31 extra teaspoons that Americans consume are not in the familiar form of grainy white crystals. Instead, they are hidden in our foods under the guise of long, unpronounceable, chemical-sounding names, and buried in foods among dozens of other similar ingredients. Hidden sugars appear in foods where you would never expect them to be, including bread, canned beans, soups, deli meats, peanut butter, and crackers – not to mention sauces, like ketchup, pasta sauce, BBQ sauce, and salad dressings. These foods aren’t generally sweetened, so no one expects them to contain appreciable amounts of any sweetener. Because of this, people eat more of these products, thinking these foods are healthier for them when, in fact, they might contain unnecessary amounts of added sugars. It seems that all foods are getting sweeter. In 1978 Kellogg’s Special K had 9.6g of sugar per 3.5 oz, but this has now nearly doubled to 17g — a similar level to vanilla ice-cream. In the same year, cans of tomato soup had, on average, 2.6g of sugar per 3.5 oz; tomato soups today have 6.4g of sugar per 3.5 oz, with almost three spoonfuls of sugar in every bowl.
All sugars, regardless of type, are carbohydrates. Their main nutritional function is to provide energy in the form of calories. And while we all need calories to live, the problem arises when sugars begin to show up in places they never were before. For every gram of extra sugar added to a food, that food gains four additional calories. While this may not seem like a lot, when companies insert 10 extra grams of sugar into your morning cereal bowl, you are eating 40 extra calories. Companies are effectively jacking up the calorie content of all of your food without providing a feeling of being full or contributing to your daily nutritional requirements. Add to this the inability to accurately gauge the listed serving size of 2 tablespoons of ketchup or the ½ cup of cereal, and the inability to eat just one serving, and you have the additional problem of over-consumption. All of this leads to an increased risk of overweight and obesity, as well as an increased risk of developing high blood pressure, diabetes, and heart disease.
For this reason, several health organizations recommend that added sugars should make up no more than 10% of your total calories -- about 8 teaspoons a day for an average 2,000-calorie diet. Unfortunately, these added sugars are not easy to avoid, and if you try to do so, you will very quickly discover that it takes a great deal of time and an impeccable attention to detail. For instance, sugar has many aliases: beet sugar, brown sugar, cane sugar, confectioner’s sugar, corn sweetener, corn syrup, dextrin, dextrose, evaporated cane juice, fructose, fruit juice concentrate, galactose, glucose, high-fructose corn syrup, honey, invert sugar, lactose, maltose, malt syrup, maple syrup, molasses, raw sugar, sorghum, sucrose, syrup, table sugar, turbinado sugar, and white sugar. To sort through ingredient lists upwards of thirteen ingredients for each occurrence of one or more of these words can be both painstaking, and also annoying. A good rule of thumb is to avoid foods that have a type of sugar listed as one of the first three ingredients on the label.

Portent

2009-05-06T20:24:00.002-05:00

It bothers me that there is no room for me in that house. I was going to put the qualifier "sort of" but no. I am fully bothered. Words speak one thing, and actions another... so, what? Is there some tasteful way of tattooing a quotation on one's body?

Things I Am Excited To Do This Summer

2009-05-01T15:04:00.001-05:00

read
work out
sleep

Landscapes

2009-04-29T00:11:00.002-05:00

I miss those cold, quiet days when I was surrounded by a peace I never knew I had until now. By loving arms and thoughtful people and isolated connections and failed dreams, but dreams nonetheless. These days, they will come again, similar but not the same. Never the same. It pains me that they are gone, the days and the people and even the hated cold that could be described with every terrible adjective ever used to describe cold. I am torn between wanting to remember and wanting to forget. There are tiny artifacts which bring these memories to the surface, gentle hints, painless scars. I am not sure if these make me whole, or shred me apart... As if each note, each scent, each touch has been etched into me like those woodland designs displayed between wood panels at McDonald's and I am incessantly retracing the lines until I eventually split the panel in two. But still, as I try to retrace these outlines day after day in a desperate attempt to ensure their permanence, time like water and sand and wind and rain obscures and defaces these delicate lines and transforms them into pitiful suggestions of what once was, leaving in its unfeeling wake a disturbingly smooth and totally whole surface. I fight against obfuscation but to no avail - I guess we are landscapes too... but unlike our inorganic surroundings, we can remember our past. And all too often, I feel, it haunts us.

This Is Just To Say

2009-04-27T20:34:00.003-05:00

Let me just say that it really annoys me when people adopt made-up vocabulary. Especially when that made-up vocabulary is so obviously engineered to turn a profit. I'm not sure why I find this so distasteful, but... I do. I find it tastes like socks. And dirt. NOT. GOOD.

Messages

2009-04-19T15:56:00.002-05:00

I can't pretend I didn't see it

I get bored

And I like to play

And I've done this before

Exactly

And I'm not gonna take it back

And I'm not gonna say I don't mean that

2009-04-03T11:19:00.002-05:00

Last night, I couldn't sleep. Not for any of the normal reasons, but for the OMG MY HEART IS SKIPPING BEATS AND PLAYING HOPSCOTCH INSIDE OF MY CHEST CAVITY reason.

I Should Write More

2009-02-23T22:37:00.003-06:00

So I was thinking...

this school is sort of boring.
despite the aforementioned fact, I think I can learn a lot from this school.
granted, that learning will not be related to academics.
instead, it will be related to things like, how to deal with conservatives and other close-minded individuals.
I will be in school until I am 26.
I would rather be adventuring, but I can't make myself do it due to fiscal responsibilities.
I hate missing people. :(
I'm pretty excited for JazzFest (i.e. Christina and Fave).
I am a mean person.

Edit: I am a mean person most of the time. I am not mean to Paul, apparently. I might be mean to Fave, but he understands. :)

Numbers... Deuteronomy?

2009-02-02T21:02:00.003-06:00

I think it is strange that the body picks numbers. For example, why does DNA wrap around 8 histones? Why not 7 or 9? And, why are the microtubles composed of 13 protofilaments, and not 12 or 14? I just want to know WHY.

Because Who Doesn't Love These?

2009-01-29T18:29:00.003-06:00

From Katie.

Five names you go by:
1. Jess
2. Jess Rubin
3. Rubs! by Claire's dad.
4. JR by Katie W.'s dad.
5. Banana Jack. ... just kidding

Three things you are wearing right now:
1. Some pretty excellent capri workout pants I bought this morning.
2. Some socks.
3. A... hat.

Two things you want very badly at the moment:
1. To eat. A lot. Of Chipotle. But I'm not. Instead, I'm eating oatmeal. Frantically.
2. To not be in Warrensburg, but Manchester, England, instead. Commacommacomma.

Three people who will probably fill this out:
1. I don't even know who reads this.
2. So, probably no one.
3. Maybe your mom.

Two things you did last night:
1. Posted on Blackboard.
2. Watched LOST!

Two things you ate today:
1. An unfortunate amount of white bread. I think I have diabetes now.
2. Some pumpkin seeds.

Two things you are going to do tomorrow:
1. (hopefully not) fail an a&p quiz
2. poop

Two longest car rides
1. KC to Colorado
2. KC to your mom's house

Two of your favorite beverages (nonalcoholic)
1. coffee
2. water

I Made A Mistake

2009-01-29T14:51:00.002-06:00

I borrowed Jenny's Ugg boots. They are the best warm things in the world. I am ashamed because they are trendy.

Weather Prevents My Feeding

2009-01-28T22:39:00.001-06:00

I'm hungry.

Winter: The Bane of My Existence.

2009-01-27T22:03:00.003-06:00

I learned the other day in Anatomy and Physiology class that while the body can tolerate internal body temperatures up to 106 degrees Fahrenheit before saying "um... really?" and then dying, the body cannot tolerate temperatures below 95 degrees F. Now. That's interesting, and almost relevant to what I'm about to say. Because, I hate winter. Winter is cold, and it makes me cold. Physically, mentally, spiritually... I think my normal body temperature is around 96.8 degrees, because, when I have a temperature of 99, I'm not feeling fantastic or functional. But I think this is why I can never become warm in the winter. Maybe.

But anyway. Today I had to defrost the windshield of my car five times. This snow is very sticky. Sticky like... sugar. Maybe a giant who lives nearby flung a giant (i.e. giant for a giant... so... very large) bag of sugar into the air, and then shot it with a gun. This would explain the sticky quality of today's stupid snow. Additionally, I think Warrensburg is sans vehicles-responsible-for-clearing-roads. You had all day, people. It started snowing at 7am. You have had ample time to make the roads drivable. I hate this town. And winter. And snow.

Snow isn't even magical anymore. There's no listening to "Silent Night" and then imagining a dark, cold, bitter, snowy night... much like tonight! The Christians would have done better to move Christmas to February, so that most of the world could look forward to the coldest months of the year. But no. They moved it to the Winter Solstice. Which isn't even when Jesus was born, theoretically. Maybe I'll move my birthday to a day which is easier for people to remember. Just because.

Black Olives Are So, So Good

2009-01-26T20:18:00.002-06:00

I just don't know what's up with my appetite today, because, here's the thing. I woke up, and I was so thirsty, I briefly considered draining a small lake. Random interlude: Atticus is such a piece of shit. He always comes IN HERE. That's it, Cat. You can't go out. TAKE THAT. Interlude, over. Then, I ate a bowl of cereal, because that's what I do in the morning. Regardless of whether I'm hungry or not. Then, at around 1.30pm, I was so hungry, I thought I might die. Luckily, I had a granola bar of sorts, and I ate that. Then, I got home, and ate 3 pieces of bread. And I haven't been hungry for the rest of the day. I am currently eating some spinach, couscous, olives, and pine nuts mixed together in a bowl for some kinda beige and green salad. Well. It is a beige and green salad. I'm not hungry, but since I've consumed, at most... 800 calories today, I figure it's a good idea. I put black olives in there, since I know I would eat those even if I were about to explode.

Random, Yet True

2009-01-19T17:33:00.002-06:00

I love sports bras.

I. Hate. Winter.

2009-01-14T21:01:00.002-06:00

I just received this email in my inbox: "The National Weather Service has issued a wind chill advisory, in effect from 9 p.m. today through 10 a.m. Thursday, Jan. 15, for an area that includes the University of Central Missouri. An Arctic cold front will move across Missouri today, and bitterly cold temperatures are expected by this evening with strong northwest winds producing wind chills around zero this afternoon and early evening. Temperatures will drop between zero and 5 below tonight and wind chill is expected to fall between 15 and 20 below zero, and remain colder than 15 below through midday Thursday. Such wind chills will result in frost bite and lead to hypothermia, if precautions are not taken. If you must venture outdoors, dress warmly, and be sure to wear a hat and gloves." Winter is trying to kill me.

Simplicity!

2008-12-23T08:27:00.003-06:00

Yes! I have found a template which suits me. I actually feel like... writing? I haven't felt like writing for a long time. This is what happens when you're no longer afflicted by emo. When emo is replaced by busy. BUSY. I got As this semester. Top marks...! It wasn't that difficult... I'm really bad at gift exchanges. You know, the ones where you draw a name out of a hat and you get only one present for only one person? Yeah, I suck. I don't want one present, I want ALL presents! And by "want" I do mean "want to give." For some reason, this makes people angry. Beyond me, really. So. I wrote everyone a card, but some people aren't giving me their addresses. :( I drew little pictures all over them!

Pink

2008-11-26T07:46:00.002-06:00

So... being emo after a long time doesn't seem to work. Anyway, what's up with this pink, huh? Kinda lame. I'm up at 7:30am because I'm afraid of my subconscious. I was starting to have crazy dreams, so I got up and said "STOP THAT." Fave is visiting today! I still have to file some files. Lame. I also have 2 projects to work on. Even more lame! Does anyone know a social action agency off the top of his/her head? I just don't think it's fair to assign a project on social action agencies when nothing comes up in Google. That's all. Is that so much to ask, evil Sociology lady? Is it? Ohmygod I hate her so much. What kind of overarching question is "What percentage of people in the US suffer from obesity?" Not one! I'll probably email her to that effect, you know, after Thanksgiving. Because I'm nice.

2008-11-13T00:41:00.005-06:00

2008-10-19T23:56:00.003-05:00

So, here's what I'm going to do. It's 11:56pm. I am tired. I am frustrated. And I want a shower. I want a bed bigger than me, and I want someone else in it. I want to stop narrating. I'm a 3rd person omniscient narrator of my own life. I need release.

2008-10-12T23:59:00.003-05:00

I think I'm going to have to accept the fact that everyone who speaks native English, including those who work at places of higher education, has forgotten the proper role of the apostrophe, and so uses them whenever they please.

2008-10-05T16:08:00.004-05:00

My legs. They're on fucking fire! And not because they're sexy. BECAUSE THEY ARE LITERALLY ON FIRE!!!!

Not really.

But that's what it feels like. I think... I have no idea why. See if I shave my legs ever again! I don't care what you say, society. I am going to have unshaven legs! Because I'm tired of the ridiculous ways in which you make me suffer!!!!

my legs. see the red?!

2008-10-04T01:14:00.002-05:00

I just don't know what's wrong with me. I feel awful. I've cried 4/7 days this week. I haven't cried this often since... 7th grade. What. The. Hell. I hate it here. I really do. I hate it so much that I almost typed "heare" which isn't even a standard spelling of any word at all. I just don't know what to do. And the fact that I've cried on the phone 2/4 times this week just makes me feel worse. Because it's not fair and it's not ... me. I don't do this. I wish that something would fall out of the sky onto my head letting me know what to do with my life. Because this floundering around business just isn't going to cut it. Maybe there's some medical reason why I feel so much like poopy. I blame allergies. I think it's a possibility. I shall consult with both a psychologist and an allergy specialist. I'll get back to you. I can't breathe. My eyes are swollen shut. They are also the color of something very un-eye-like. I am very un-I-like. I was I-like on Wednesday though! I felt it! I felt alive and my brain was functioning and I was struggling to catch up and it felt amazing and I felt liked and respected and secure and I was held. Now I feel weak and unmotivated and depressed and smart and socially retarded and alone. Very lonely. VERY STUPID and VERY LONELY.

And I wanted life to be an easier proposition... but it isn't.

2008-09-24T21:57:00.002-05:00

Me: So, how do you feel about apples?
Bryan: They are morally reproachable.
Me: laugh
Bryan: ...and they're right-wing conservatives.

2008-09-22T00:43:00.001-05:00

I miss my friends. I think I actually feel pain...

2008-09-18T23:44:00.001-05:00

Yesterday marked the first and only day when my strange, wide, humanities- & interest-based background of knowledge was appreciated.

It was awesome.

2008-09-08T23:05:00.002-05:00

Something is wrong... with my armpits. Seriously wrong. I think I must be allergic to something in deodorant, because... AH! It's enough to make me want to spend $2 extra on organic all-natural deodorant.

2008-09-02T23:03:00.003-05:00

Let me tell you something. Canker sores are the opposite of what is good. Because of these crappy things, I must numb my gums with benzocaine. I am not very good at it, despite having years of practice. Consequently, my lower lip, having been numbed in exactly the same pattern as Queen Amidala's lipstick, is now completely pain-free! Which is great, considering I had no pain there at all! Grr. I want to live the rainforest.

2008-08-28T23:48:00.002-05:00

HOLY FRAKIN CRAP. Corn is everywhere. I hate America.

I can't eat this:

Corn syrup
Corn oil
Corn meal
Cornstarch
Vegetable oil
Maize
Popcorn
Grits
Hominy
Corn sugars (dextrose, Dyno, Cerelose, Puretose, Sweetose, glucose)
Margarine
Corn chips (Tortilla chips, Fritos)
Corn fritters
Breakfast cereals (such as corn flakes)
Corn tortillas

Or this:

Certain paper containers (boxes, cups, plates, milk cartons) may contain corn, and the inner surface of plastic food wrappers may be coated with cornstarch.

Good to know. I'm quite fond of boxes with my morning meal.

Because if I do, I will experience this:

Depression
Disturbed sleep
Eczema
Fatigue
*Fuzzy thinking*
Joint pains
Hyperactivity (especially in children)
Inability to concentrate
Lethargy
Mood swings and/or behavioral changes (especially in children)
Night sweats
"Raccoon" eyes
Recurring ear infections
Respiratory conditions
Sinus conditions
Urinary track infections (UTI)

2008-08-28T23:26:00.003-05:00

I'm pretty sure I love Gene Wilder. Now that that's out of the way, I've decided that I would like to take all of my favorite people and stick them in a room where I will keep them so that I won't have to be lonely. Sucks for you guys! Ha! You didn't know I was such a crackpot, didja? DIDJA. This means no Daniel in Japan and no Vanessa in LA currently and no Fave in Indiana fretting over music exams and no Desi in NM helping people help trees and no Garland in Kirksville and no Bryan in KC which is not Warrensburg. This means all of you people... here... with me! Having fun and probably eating things. Now, I am going back to reading my book that reads like a movie. I thought I was watching a movie actually, when I went out recently. Then I remembered that I actually have to work for the plot, and my brain got 10x tireder. Interesting. Google thinks "didn't" isn't a word... but it's totally okay with "tireder." Nice. Incidentally, the book I am reading is called "Arthur & George." It is by Julian Barnes. Who might be my favorite author. Maybe also Jonathan Safran Foer, who is extremely premium. I need some more things to read that are of this quality. My mom tries to suggest reading materials to me, but she reads Dickens and Oliver Goldsmith and Henry Fielding and other obscure 18th century British wordsmythes for fun, so she can't be trusted. She also refuses to acknowledge the theories of Mr. Steven Johnson in his book "Everything Bad is Good for You." Which annoys me. I often wish I could be a hippy, like several of my acquaintences, and enjoy Thoreau and Whitman. But. I can't. Because Thoreau was silly and probably ordered pizza to his little cabin hut. He probably was one of those people who narrated their every move. In between mouthfuls of pepperoni pizza, he would declare his esoteric delcarations. While he climbed Mt. Katahdin. Or whatever goddamn mt. it was. I'm allergic to corn. What does that mean? Am I not supposed to eat corn-on-the-cob? What about popcorn?! Or corn chips? Or those clever little salads with corn kernels in them? Or - oh, isn't this ironical - anything with corn syrup in it?! Ha ha! Fate! You are a cruel mistress! fin.

2008-08-18T23:19:00.002-05:00

This is hard. So hard. I hate it. I feel like... this: http://osorhan.com/bigo/.

Onward.

Today, I found out that, indeed, I am extremely allergic to many things. One of these things includes kittens. This depresses me for several reasons. One, I love kittens. Two, KITTENS?! YOU ARE A CRUEL GOD, GOD! Three, I am currently living with a kitten. It is wreaking terrible havoc-like symptoms on my lungs and other body parts. I sort of sound like Darth Vader, but less menacing and more pitiful: "LUKE! *PSHHHHH* I am *wheeze*. *cough* *wheeze* *die*" That's it. Sorry Luke. In addition to kittens, I am allergic to puppies, dust mites, and molds. But not fish! So... I still won't eat it probably! Hooray!

I am very on the fence about this school business. Very on the fence. Truman > UCM. Especially TSU's Rec Center. UCM's BLOWS.

I miss you.

2008-07-31T10:56:00.001-05:00

Oh my god. I was outside for THREE SECONDS and I was bit by mosquitoes in 6 different places! AND I think I have MRSA!

2008-07-27T10:45:00.002-05:00

So I'm going back to school. Hopefully... this time around, job-getting will suck less. I quit my current job. I would've felt 100% guilty about this, but I'm tapping in at a tepid 37% because our manager is the devil incarnate. She would've been better placed in a circa 1917 all-girls' boarding school. THE DEVIL! In other news, I'm seriously considering playing WoW. Yeah. I know. In other other news, I'm worrying about my stupid sister.

2008-07-22T13:43:00.002-05:00

More videos from Animals Australia

So while this comes from an obviously biased source... do you REALLY want to put that on your table? No thanks. But the thing that almost worries me more... WHY THE HELL ISN'T THAT LADY WEARING GLOVES?!? THAT CHICKEN WAS IN A PILE OF POOP! BIRD POOP! People get diseases from that shit. And the birds themselves obviously aren't too healthy. I was wrong. That worries me more. If you're interested in seeing more, I suggest finding the picture of the ten foot pile of dead baby male chickens who aren't very good at the egg laying thing. So many!

2008-07-21T09:10:00.002-05:00

I hate having nightmares. I have them too often, and then I wake up the next morning, and I have to spend at least 2 hours convincing my brain that it wasn't real. Then my brain has to spend another hour convincing my body that it wasn't real. So, for at least 3 hours each morning for more mornings than not, my heart will race & I will be paranoid. Tonight's feature film was: I had a dream. I'm pretty sure it was at a college. I dreamt that I was being cheated on right in front of my face, and I got really angry and stormed out. I went searching through all the rooms to find something to occupy my time with, and I found 2 calculators. One was green and the other was black. And then I stormed back to the room they were in. I didn't open the door, but I threw the green calculator at the door as hard as I could, and it went "BAM!" And then I was like, OH SHIT they're gonna open the door now and find me and know it was me and then they'll think I'm silly & over-reacting. So I ran! at top cheetah speeds! and hid behind this thing in the middle of the hallway. (I'm a pro.) And when she went back into the room, I ran outside and sat there. And then she came out and said, "Whatever I'm done with this. It's not worth it anyway." And when I went back inside, I saw these 4 girls going out. One of them held up a potato sack and said "This is full of amphetamines!" And I went in.

2008-07-08T11:27:00.002-05:00

I was going to congratulate myself on an archive well-done, when I realized that I failed miserably. Here's the deal. I'm trying to send ACT scores to a university. I took the test twice. Okay. Three times. The first time, I was 13 & I got a 21. The second time, I was 17 or something, & I got a 29. The third time, I got a 31. Now, obviously, one would wish to send the highest score out. But I couldn't remember when I had taken the test. I tried calling my mother to see if she remembered... but she didn't answer the phone. So I thought to myself, Self, where else would you record & bitch about such a menial event in your late teenage life? The answer was easy. Blog! Luckily for me, I keep a word document full of old blogging. So I searched for "ACT." I found entry 1, written in April, about something I had learned on the test. I found entry 2, in May, about how I'd taken the test 3 weeks ago and gotten a 29. I found entry 3, in July, about how I got a 31 composite on the test. Unfortunately, I found entry 3 only after I spent $24.50 sending the test scores from April to the University. SONUVABITCH. I HAVE SQUID BRAINS. Oh well. I guess 29 is alright? It's not like I'm getting any scholarships, being already degreed & all.

diarrhea bear is your only best friend

2008-07-01T10:03:00.001-05:00

2008-06-26T12:10:00.002-05:00

did you guys know that hugh laurie has published a novel? i sure didn't. until 2 days ago, when i found it at the bookstore. it's very british... so i have to reconcile the only image i have of hugh laurie (house) with this very british novel. strange.

i keep having incredibly scary dreams. like. really scary. last night, i dreamt that my mom was driving her van. i was in the passenger seat, and there was a someone in the backseat. and my mom was talking to me, and i was gazing forward... and then... i start squinting... what are those things up in the air? what is that giant mushroom cloud over to the left? oh my god! some huge car exploded!! and that's when a big metal piece comes falling out of the sky at 1,000,000,000 mph. it bounces on the ground directly in front of us, which gives my mom no time to swerve or anything! and so it crashes into the van at 1,000,000,000 mph at the same time my mom drives 65 mph right into it!! and it goes CRASH!! and then i felt nothing. i had another scary dream after that. about dying. it was awful. seriously. my subconscious if CUKFED UP

2008-06-09T16:53:00.002-05:00

so this is the situation. i decided to make fave's quiche for this evening's comestibles. part of this eggy concoction is onions. now, for some reason, neither of my parents cry when they chop up onions into tiny bits... but i do. i took the onion out of the fridge to chop it up as per the instructions. it was a cold onion, so i didn't cry. i put the onion bits into a bowl with butter and olive oil. i put the bowl into the microwave. i took the bowl out of the microwave. and the fumes!! the fumes made my eyes go >.< anyway.

now (30 minutes later) i've turned the fan on, and it's brought the fumes into the living room.

okay. this was an awful story.

my apologies.

bryan better get home soon, or i'm eating 2 quiches by myself. never mind the cholesterol!! I TAKE IT DOWN. eggs.

2008-06-04T13:51:00.003-05:00

so i read somewhere that tree pollen makes people depressed. kind of like the lack of sunlight in the winter-time, but less cold and more sneezy. at first i thought, hey, that might explain my inexplicable apathy & my new-found affinity for sleeping upwards of 12 hours per day. but then i realized that none of the trees had flowers. they all had leaves instead. thus, i think it's just regular depression, and not some seasonal allergy thing. i'm allergic to life! noooo! i seriously hate not having anything to do. this is stupid. why can't i find a job that isn't stupid? does it matter? i don't even KNOW. maybe i'll just go live on a farm. sup cows!?

2008-06-02T14:44:00.000-05:00

i love potato chips too much. THEY TASTE TOO GOOD. I HATE YOU POTATO CHIPS! EVEN IF YOU ARE COOKED IN SUNFLOWER OIL!!! .... as i eat more of them....

2008-05-30T20:55:00.002-05:00

life! you tricky. i wish i knew what to do with you. for real. you make me angry.

i miss my friends. sadface. come back, huh? so we can... uh... hang out... and stuff.

i have a membership to a gym. i have to pay $43.00/month. which... i guess is expensive? but here's the thing. i paid 20pound/month in England for a gym membership. and guess what! it's the same. awesome. but i have no gym buddy. so that's why you need to come live with me vanessa. it's only $3o/month if we both join! yay!

oh yeah. also, i have internet. hence: post. i wonder if anyone even reads this. i sure hope vanessa does, or that shout-out up there would be totally useless.

jackie is a crazy fool & moved out i guess?

there's a death cab for cutie concert tonight at river market. i want to drive up to the top of the parking structures outside of the concert location and listen. anyone wanna join me? here's a fun fact: death cab for cutie is a phrase from the beatles. don't care if you knew that already.

ps i still hate this job. hatehatehate. i want a real job. maybe i'll sell out? i want to do something that will help people. i don't to spend my life selling people things they don't need. maybe i'll go do that RD program at UCM and live with jenny.

2008-05-21T15:58:00.002-05:00

oh boy. yeah. one day of work in a retail shop, and it convinced me to go to grad school. i'm fairly upset that was i never made to work at hyvee as a 14 year old brat (which is exactly what i was - i have years of back-up diary/journal/note entries to prove it). this is a bitch. and my feet hurt. i found it silly that only one person was there to train/run the place. what was i supposed to do while she was taking care of people? stand around? good, because that's exactly what i did.

ps i get to move in to my new apartment on saturday. which will be great, because then i don't have to sneak out of bryan's house and sneak back into my own (even though everyone already knows). also, i won't have dreams about dead trees cold burning. the end.

2008-05-18T18:22:00.005-05:00

okay. i think i may or may not be getting the hang of this. probably not. but you know, the more you do something... there actually isn't an end to that piece of wisdom. so i've decided the reign of meat in my personal diet needs to be officially over. i had some today and i had some two nights (or so) ago, and all it's given me is trouble! right here in river city! with a capital T and that rhymes with P and that stands for pork tenderloin or something equally witty. the plan i had for taking pictures every day of my real life has failed. i think when i actually live somewhere, i will do this thing which i stole from a friend who stole it from a friend where i take a picture of one thing every day. it's like writing poetry every day - hard to do. also, i have acquired a peppermint essential oil. i want to burn it, but i'm afraid it's not the burning kind. oh dear.

2008-05-17T15:10:00.000-05:00

& so it came, so it goes. four more down, four to go. i graduated tsu on saturday 10 may (technically). now, i will work an underpaid job as an overqualified person. however, i think i might be happy with this. i hope i might be happy with this. it's really hard to say... as i've said before: i would rather die than sell my soul to the corporate empire. is a shiny new job that gives you lots of shiny money and requires new shiny shoes really worth it? yeah, probably. honestly, i would rather live on a farm and write poetry. like horace. that lucky bastard. but you know what got him his sabine farm? networking. i have a theory that everyone gets their job through this method. no one actually cares whatwhywhenwherehow... they just care who. and i don't know anybody. yet? idk. perhaps i'll start all over again... but this time, with a useful degree... like... not english. i would give anything for 2 summers ago and last spring. i ache for these days with my entire body. it's almost real. btw - mysterious skin disturbed me.